My puppy is very sick

Well, sadly my beautiful dog of 12+ years was recently diagnosed with cancer–just about EVERYWHERE in his lovely, large body. I knew something was wrong but I had no idea the extent. I started a new blog, The Zolton Chronicles: The Last Days with my Canine Companion as to document the dying process and the grief that goes along with it. I’m shaking so hard that I can hardly write but I know I need to. As if losing my most wonderful father last year, wasn’t enough, this reality seems to have magnified the severe grief that hasn’t yet assuaged itself. The thought of publicizing the demise of my dog (and me, obviously) kept me from attending to the movie last night; had me spacing out in church today and has pretty much consumed me for the past 10 days. But as I searched the net yesterday, it became very clear that there was no blog, at least one that I could locate, which would shed light on, not only the emotional roller coaster I am about to embark, but sane solutions to dealing with the physicality of the disease–e.g. when to know he is experiencing pain and how to know when to lovingly end that pain. What I did find on the internet, were many, many deeply affected people, crying their hearts out looking for answers and solutions and damn scared to make the decisions of which they were confronted. I’m not trying to sensationalize anything, but rather, I’m trying to find healing for myself in the process of writing….my style is very unfiltered, you will see. I thought you might want to take a look: http://thezoltonchronicles.wordpress.com/ realizing it is very new and not very spiffed up yet (nor will it be) as I’d rather put my energies into research and psychic repair. Perhaps my words will touch you or a friend. If it’s something that resonates, please check back frequently, as it’s bound to evolve daily. It’s my way of icing the cake which was LIFE with a beautiful, lovely, sensitive companion and hopefully offering a tribute to him as well, Zolton (the Wonder Dog) Shelly-Pektor. It’s amazing how derailed I have become and I’m hoping to share plenty of insights as I go on my journey of how to cope with this major life change and how to handle the dog, kindly, lovingly and with utmost sensitivity.

I’m hoping to keep this blog reserved more for my musings on life (and art) yet isn’t it all related?

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2 thoughts on “My puppy is very sick

  1. Melissa: our canine companion, Brandy, was in her 15th year — she was a puppy when our oldest was four, and she shared our children’s childhood with us. When she died, it was curled up, as if asleep, under the arborvitae where she had dug herself a little nap spot. The Norwegian Artist actually walked by her two times before he realized that she was very still, too still. It gave us comfort to know that she had died in her sleep, peacefully. She was a good doggie. (http://middleagedplague.com/2011/06/09/she-was-a-good-doggy/ for the full story).

    It’s a rough journey you’re on, and like all journeys, it doesn’t end after one day, or when we’re tired of walking it. Sometimes the hardest gift we can give someone we love is simply being there, loving them. I know that’s what you’re doing.

    • Thank you, Carolyn for your encouraging words. You said it perfectly (for my ears…since I am struggling with my own reactions to this sad journey) when you said it is “…the hardest gift we can give someone we love….” by simply being there and loving them. I just did that for my father last spring as I watched him slip away and I’m barely recovered…and now this. As you know, I’m an artist…BUT I’M ALSO A PSYCHOLOGIST…and I can’t seem to figure out myself at the present moment. Most perplexing is why I want this to end…NOW! I love this boy. I want him with us forever, however, in my weirdness, I’m thinking that I’m uncomfortable in areas of gray. I want healing, wholeness and restoration for his lovely body….and I’d do just about anything and everything to help him find that….but since that isn’t even an option that was presented to us because his cancer is in just about every organ (AND I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE WAS SICK), I just want (AS DREADFUL AS THIS SOUNDS) for it to be over. Watching the decline; the sadness in his eyes….always on the look-out for the potential pain he might be hiding to prevent me from feeling upset…afraid he might have a grand mal seizure or possibly a major hemorrhage when I’m all alone with him….all of this has me a nervous wreck. I keep going back to my faith and am trying so so very hard to rest in Christ’s Presence….to TRY to trust that it is in HIS hands and I cannot control it. I need to relinquish control…that is what is so hard to do. We are “take-charge women” and problem solvers and when we are helpless to affect the outcome, it means we have to rest in the pesky, raggedy uneasiness of not knowing anything.
      Again, I thank you for your support and the kind words you always put forth. XX

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